Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Further Explanation Needed

Andy Kaufman was a genius. There is potential that I could say, Andy Kaufman is a genius. There are many people out there like myself that still think there is a chance that Andy Kaufman is still alive. He wasn't you normal comedian. He didn't just want to get a laugh out of people. He wanted to get a reaction. It didn't matter if it was a good reaction or a hostile reaction.

The last couple of weeks I have been obsessed with reading about Kaufman and the characters that he played. Twice last week, I went to see Tony Clifton play the Chopin Theatre in Chicago. I have to say that it was everything that I could have hoped for. I can remember seeing Andy on TV for years. Whether it was a re-run of something he did on Saturday Night Live or a special about his life. Tony Clifton wasn't someone I knew before he co-starred in "Man on the Moon", the movie about the life of Andy Kaufman. Tony Clifton was by far, the best live show I have ever seen. And the two shows were very different.

The last post was kind of a play on Kaufman's Great Gatsby bit. On some occasions, audiences would show up to one of Kaufman's stage performances expecting to see him perform as Latka from Taxi, and heckling him with demands when he did not. Kaufman would punish these audiences with the announcement that he was going to read The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald to them. The audience would laugh at this, not realizing that he was serious and would proceed to read the book to them, continuing despite audience members' departure. At a certain point, he would ask the audience if they wanted him to keep reading, or play a record. When the audience chose to hear the record, the record he cued up was a recording of him continuing to read The Great Gatsby from where he had left off.

Tony Clifton did a great showing while singing Gordon Lightfoot's "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" with full video clips, pictures and the actual recordings of the radio transmissions. For some reason, it really stuck in my head. So I decided to make a little experiment of my own.

I wrote that post about the Edmond Fitzgerald and its tie to the current economy first off, because I thought it was funny that those were the two other ships' names. And secondly because I wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of readers. There aren't any comments posted, but I received emails telling me that they couldn't even make it through the post without wondering why I was rambling. In one instance, a co-worker turned to me an hour after I wrote it (during my lunch break) and asked if she had to keep reading. To me, it was a small success.

If you have never heard of Andy Kaufman or Tony Clifton, please rent "Man on the Moon". It will change the way you look at comedy. Its not just about getting you to laugh out loud. The real question is, who was it that was performing as Tony Clifton? Is he real? Was it Bob Zmuda? Or was it actually Andy Kaufman coming back to enjoy his work after a 25 year long practical joke? Who really knows?

But in the words of Tony Clifton:

"Don't know nothin' about no Andy. Just some dead guy tryin' to ride my coattails.
Let's HIT IT, boys! One, two, anda one two three four!"

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

We Are Holding Our Own

Currently the US economy is not in the greatest that it has ever been. I will not go as far as a lot of other people have and use the "R" word, because it is simply not true. Is there a potential for it to happen, yes? But just remember that last quarter, the economy as a whole still had a growth. It is a very very small amount of growth, but growth none the less. There have been hundreds of books and articles written about the economy. Hundreds of thousands of hours of TV dedicated to breaking each little point down. Analysts and politicians and everyday people have been interviewed over and over and over again. But it seems that everyone is dodging the real reason why the economy is in a little bit of a downturn. Well, I for one am not going to just sit back and not talk about it. I am not afraid of the backlash or the damage to my reputation that this may bring. I am ready to face the consequences. So here we go. The reason for the current economic downturn is that the spirits that still haunt The Great Lakes from the mysterious and tragic sinking of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald are wreaking havoc on those that were not there in time to save them..........You look confused.

Lets roll back tape then for a history lesson. Its kind of like when you were in grade school and you would watch an educational documentary. The teacher would turn the lights off and you would all sit there with the reel to reel going watching some blotchy movie while trying not to fall asleep or stare at the girl next to you too much. So hit the lights. This is what that cheesy documentary would sound like if it was written by the same people who wrote about it on Wikipedia.

On February 1, 1957, Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin contracted Great Lakes Engineering Works (GLEW), of River Rouge, Michigan, to design and build an ore bulk carrier lake freighter for Northwestern. The contract contained the stipulation that the boat be the largest on the Great Lakes. GLEW laid the keel on August 7 of that year, and some time between then and her christening and launch on June 8, 1958, Northwestern announced their decision to name the boat for their President and Chairman of the Board, Edmund Fitzgerald, whose own father had himself been a lake captain. For the next 17 years, the Fitzgerald carried taconite from mines near Duluth, Minnesota to iron works in Detroit, Toledo and other ports. Prior to the events of November 9, 1975, she suffered five collisions, running aground in 1969, colliding with the S.S. Hochelaga in 1970 and then striking the wall of a lock later in the same year, hitting a lock's wall again in 1973, and then again the following year. She also lost her original bow anchor in the Detroit River in 1974.

Fitzgerald left Superior Wisconsin on the afternoon of Sunday, November 9, 1975 under Captain Ernest M. McSorley. She was en route to the steel mill on Zug Island, near Detroit, Michigan, with a full cargo of taconite. A second freighter, Arthur M. Anderson, destined for Gary, Indiana out of Two Harbors, Minnesota, joined up with Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald, being the faster ship, took the lead while Anderson trailed not far behind.

Crossing Lake Superior at about 13 knots the boats encountered a massive winter storm, reporting winds in excess of 50 knots and waves as high as 35 feet. Because of the storm, the Soo Locks at Sault Ste. Marie were closed. The freighters altered their courses northward, seeking shelter along the Canadian coast. Later, they would cross to Whitefish Bay to approach the locks.

Late in the afternoon of Monday, November 10, sustained winds of 50 knots were observed across eastern Lake Superior. Anderson was struck by a 75-knot hurricane force gust. At 3:30 PM Fitzgerald radioed Anderson to report a minor list developing and top-side damage including the loss of radar. Visibility was poor due to heavy snow, and the Coast Guard warned all ships to find safe harbor. Fitzgerald's two bilge pumps were running continuously to discharge shipped water. The lighthouse and navigational radio beacon at Whitefish Point had also been knocked out by the storm. Fitzgerald was ahead of Anderson at the time, effectively blind, therefore, she slowed to come within 10 miles range so she could receive radar guidance from the other ship.

For a time Anderson directed the Fitzgerald toward the relative safety of Whitefish Bay. At 5:45PM, Captain McSorley radioed another ship, Avafors, to report that Fitzgerald was suffering a bad list, had lost her radars, and had seas washing over her decks. McSorley described the situation as, "One of the worst seas I've ever been in."

The last communication from the doomed ship came at approximately 7:10 PM, when Anderson notified Fitzgerald of being hit by rogue waves large enough to be caught on radar, that were heading Fitzgerald's way, and asked how she was doing. McSorley reported, "We are holding our own." A few minutes later, she apparently sank; no distress signal was received. Ten minutes later Anderson could neither raise Fitzgerald by radio, nor detect her on radar. At 8:32 PM, Anderson informed the U.S. Coast Guard of its concern for the ship.

Once Anderson noted the loss of Fitzgerald, a search was launched for survivors. The initial search consisted of the Arthur M. Anderson, and a second freighter, SS William Clay Ford. The efforts of a third freighter, the Canadian vessel Hilda Marjanne, were foiled by the weather. The U.S. Coast Guard launched three aircraft, but could not mobilize any ships. A Coast Guard buoy tender, Woodrush, was able to launch within two and a half hours, but took a day to arrive. The search recovered debris, including lifeboats and rafts, but no survivors.

See, it makes sense now right? Probably not, but lets give it a try. As it was told to me, the two ships that went looking for survivors had held back for a while waiting for the weather to continue to break. They sat back waiting knowing that their cohorts, friends and fellow crew members could be in trouble or in dire need of their help. When they finally arrived they found no survivors. Could they have found survivors if they would have gotten there earlier? It is quite possible but we will never know. So my theory is that the spiritual presence of the tragic loss that day is wreaking havoc on the US economy to get its revenge. Not necessarily the economy as a whole, but key pieces of it.

Look at the names of the ships that hesitated and then finally went to their rescue, the SS Arthur M. Andersen and the SS William Clay Ford. Arthur Andersen LLP, based in Chicago, was once one of the "Big Five" accounting firms among PricewaterhouseCoopers, Deloitte Touche, Ernst & Young and KPMG, providing auditing, tax, and consulting services to large corporations. In 2002, the firm voluntarily surrendered its licenses to practice as Certified Public Accountants in the United States after being found guilty of criminal charges relating to the firm's handling of the auditing of Enron, the energy corporation, resulting in the loss of 85,000 jobs. Although the verdict was subsequently overturned by the Supreme Court of the United States, it has not returned as a viable business. This also brought about devastating ramifications on other large once respected companies and the SOX Compliance Act of 2001. And as a former resident of Michigan I can not even bear to tell the tales of Ford and Detroit.

But it is ironic that the Edmund Fitzgerald was heading to Zug Island in Detroit, take a look in the news and see how Zug Island is holding up. I am sure you don't even need to look up how Detroit is doing in the paper. Plus you can save the money you would have used to buy the paper and buy a house in Detroit instead as one was just sold for $1. The other sense of irony is that the Anderson was heading to Gary, Indiana. And anyone that has driven to Chicago from Michigan before can tell you that you know when you are getting close because you can smell Gary, Indiana on your way in. Oh yeah, and don't forget that they rank Detroit as the most dangerous city in the country and Gary Indiana comes in at number 17.

If you ask me, they shouldn't have hesitated. Not just because of the above mentioned consequences, but because they should have had a sense of comradery. They should have gone after their friends. I never realized the depth of this story until someone I had never even met until a few nights ago brought it to my attention. That person was none other then Tony Clifton, legendary singer that has sold more albums then the Beatles and Elvis combined. But that's a story for another post.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Red Pill or the Blue Pill?

Its kind of strange to look back through your life when a life changing event happens in the life of someone from your past. Someone that was very close to you but has since been removed from your life either voluntarily or involuntarily. How did it come about? What were the chain of events that led to that happening? Somewhere down the line of fate, was I involved? These are questions that can never be answered. To me that is a shame. I have always said that I would rather know something then not know. I would rather know if one of my friends stabbed me in the back or if a co-worker is spreading a rumor. I want to know if a girl I am interested in does not feel the same way or if a potential job thinks I'm an idiot. But some questions can never to be answered. You can not go back in time and find these answers. And you can especially not ask someone else to go back and find these answers for you.

You may already be asking, where I am going to take this one? Well follow me down the wormhole and we will see just how far it goes. Sorry for the really lame Matrix quote but the title will make since despite my cheesy attempt to make a movie reference. So let me start to explain. Within the last few weeks an long term ex-girlfriend of mine got married. I am going to come out and say that I have not been crying myself to sleep or letting it dwell on my thoughts for days. It is simply something that has made me think back in time and recollect on how things were and how they would have been if I made different choices.

So lets go back in history and I'll que you in to how things used to be in your ole friend The Hitman's life. There I was just a ray of sunshine in high school. Yes, I was the kid sitting at the front of the class with my notes and homework ready every day and would always raise my hand for questions. I am glad that you can't see my face because I couldn't keep a straight face while even typing that. I was the kid in the back of the class that was asleep everyday except for test days and when projects were due. I was the kid walking through the halls half asleep with a big red spot of my forehead from having my head down on my arm for the last hour. I did good in school but didn't really care too much. I didn't care about school and I didn't care much for my job either. But then I met her and I finally cared. She worked with me at one of those large chain retail stores. We were friends for about a year and a half and then we started dating. We dated for about three and a half years before things went sour and that was that. I do not feel the need to get into all the gritty details of how things went sour and how I knew for a while that it would happen. But it did and I have to say that I learned a lot from the whole experience. I also learned a lot about booze during that time. I will admit that I was pretty screwed up after the whole thing.

So know that we have the back up story, we can get to the real reason that I am writing. I am writing because her now husband was the guy that she left me for. So is that like losing to the team that wins the whole tournament? That's supposed to be better right? Either way, it was for the best and I wish them both the best. But thinking back.......What if I would have been ready to tackle the marriage situation? Because back then, I was not. I wasn't ready to think about it and she was. But when I found out that they had finally gotten married, I thought back about that. What if I would have given in? I would still be living in Michigan and would have had to change my plans to make sure that everything fit everything she wanted to do. I would have stayed in Michigan is probably the weirdest part. Moving to Chicago was the best thing I have ever done. It was the right thing to do and I have gained so much more then I could have in Michigan.

Could I see myself living in Michigan with a wife? Absolutely not. Could I imagine having dinner at the in-laws every Sunday after going to church with the whole family? Absolutely not. Could I imagine buying a house and starting a family at 25? Absolutely not. I give anyone credit for being able to actually pull this off, but give yourself some time and years under your belt before you start to pat yourself on the back. Its going to be a bumpy road.

So looking back, there was a decision in front of me, take the red pill and do everything I can to stay with her and end up where she and her husband are now? Or take the blue pill, live some great years single and drunk with my friends in Michigan and then move to Chicago? I took the blue pill and I couldn't be happier about it.

I know that this post is going to spark some other debates. The question is going to come up. Actually I was asked it today at lunch when I was eating with some co-workers. Do you want to start seriously dating someone here in Chicago? Because lets be honest, especially if you know me, I have been having a great time here on the weekends getting drunk and hanging out with friends. And during the week I have been focusing on my job and trying to get a couple side projects off the ground. But I can honestly say, yes, I am finally in a place out here that I would be open to seriously dating someone. So put the word out.

Just one last piece of advice at the end of a very long post. Relationships should be a big part of your life, but they shouldn't be your whole life. Once you start to lose yourself in it, it becomes more harmful then helpful.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Turn the Page

I am not going to make a long post explaining my absence of new posts or groveling at the feet of the blogosphere to let me once again return to my position as a writer. But I would like to briefly explain my disappearing act.

There are many things in my life that I feel that I can not write about on this blog. Its the curse of not holding true anonymity. There are people that read this blog that know my personal life. People that know my writing, my occupation, my friends and where I live. Therefore, I have chosen to not write about the things that have been affecting me for some time. But I am not going to hold back any longer. Things have taken a turn for the better and I am going to run with it.

There may be some posts following this that delve into those topics a little. But much like many books with titles like "Confessions of a Wall Street Analyst", "Confessions of a Street Addict" or "Ivy Brief: True Tales of a Neurotic Law School Student", many names will be changed or removed and the concepts within will be shaped and shifted differently. I think it is important to go back and say the overlying principles of things that have been affecting me. But I will protect those that have attacked me in some way. Especially if you are one of those people, you will read this blog and you will know that I will not take shit anymore.

And for those of you who are wondering how in the hell the title of this blog even relates to the subject matter, please refer to Bob Seger's "Turn the Page", a true classic.