Red Pill or the Blue Pill?

Its kind of strange to look back through your life when a life changing event happens in the life of someone from your past. Someone that was very close to you but has since been removed from your life either voluntarily or involuntarily. How did it come about? What were the chain of events that led to that happening? Somewhere down the line of fate, was I involved? These are questions that can never be answered. To me that is a shame. I have always said that I would rather know something then not know. I would rather know if one of my friends stabbed me in the back or if a co-worker is spreading a rumor. I want to know if a girl I am interested in does not feel the same way or if a potential job thinks I'm an idiot. But some questions can never to be answered. You can not go back in time and find these answers. And you can especially not ask someone else to go back and find these answers for you.

You may already be asking, where I am going to take this one? Well follow me down the wormhole and we will see just how far it goes. Sorry for the really lame Matrix quote but the title will make since despite my cheesy attempt to make a movie reference. So let me start to explain. Within the last few weeks an long term ex-girlfriend of mine got married. I am going to come out and say that I have not been crying myself to sleep or letting it dwell on my thoughts for days. It is simply something that has made me think back in time and recollect on how things were and how they would have been if I made different choices.

So lets go back in history and I'll que you in to how things used to be in your ole friend The Hitman's life. There I was just a ray of sunshine in high school. Yes, I was the kid sitting at the front of the class with my notes and homework ready every day and would always raise my hand for questions. I am glad that you can't see my face because I couldn't keep a straight face while even typing that. I was the kid in the back of the class that was asleep everyday except for test days and when projects were due. I was the kid walking through the halls half asleep with a big red spot of my forehead from having my head down on my arm for the last hour. I did good in school but didn't really care too much. I didn't care about school and I didn't care much for my job either. But then I met her and I finally cared. She worked with me at one of those large chain retail stores. We were friends for about a year and a half and then we started dating. We dated for about three and a half years before things went sour and that was that. I do not feel the need to get into all the gritty details of how things went sour and how I knew for a while that it would happen. But it did and I have to say that I learned a lot from the whole experience. I also learned a lot about booze during that time. I will admit that I was pretty screwed up after the whole thing.

So know that we have the back up story, we can get to the real reason that I am writing. I am writing because her now husband was the guy that she left me for. So is that like losing to the team that wins the whole tournament? That's supposed to be better right? Either way, it was for the best and I wish them both the best. But thinking back.......What if I would have been ready to tackle the marriage situation? Because back then, I was not. I wasn't ready to think about it and she was. But when I found out that they had finally gotten married, I thought back about that. What if I would have given in? I would still be living in Michigan and would have had to change my plans to make sure that everything fit everything she wanted to do. I would have stayed in Michigan is probably the weirdest part. Moving to Chicago was the best thing I have ever done. It was the right thing to do and I have gained so much more then I could have in Michigan.

Could I see myself living in Michigan with a wife? Absolutely not. Could I imagine having dinner at the in-laws every Sunday after going to church with the whole family? Absolutely not. Could I imagine buying a house and starting a family at 25? Absolutely not. I give anyone credit for being able to actually pull this off, but give yourself some time and years under your belt before you start to pat yourself on the back. Its going to be a bumpy road.

So looking back, there was a decision in front of me, take the red pill and do everything I can to stay with her and end up where she and her husband are now? Or take the blue pill, live some great years single and drunk with my friends in Michigan and then move to Chicago? I took the blue pill and I couldn't be happier about it.

I know that this post is going to spark some other debates. The question is going to come up. Actually I was asked it today at lunch when I was eating with some co-workers. Do you want to start seriously dating someone here in Chicago? Because lets be honest, especially if you know me, I have been having a great time here on the weekends getting drunk and hanging out with friends. And during the week I have been focusing on my job and trying to get a couple side projects off the ground. But I can honestly say, yes, I am finally in a place out here that I would be open to seriously dating someone. So put the word out.

Just one last piece of advice at the end of a very long post. Relationships should be a big part of your life, but they shouldn't be your whole life. Once you start to lose yourself in it, it becomes more harmful then helpful.